Just like a Star- Corrine Bailey Rae
Yes I’m a sob but today I couldn’t help but think about my life and all my contributions or lack there of , as I sit here another day in this house under quarantine I started reflecting on some really stupid decisions that I made, some utter shit I did that at the time seemed so astronomical and just how insignificant it all is now in retrospect. I think about when I found out I was pregnant (and in my head )my life was gonna end here I was 24 no degree no particular skill no job just a list of nothings, I cried for weeks(literally); 24 living in my mother’s, father’s grandmother’s house(you read tat right), I felt low, lower than low as if the earth was about to swallow me ad the core was just above me, I felt unaccomplished, I felt like a failure on all in ever sense of the world failure. Only a few years before that I was granted a Government Scholarship first in my family to be accepted in University, I was gonna be a Dentist and this was the first step, I was cocky and asinine to every extent of the word asinine looking back (as they say hindsight is 20/20) the universe saw I needed to be humbled. I was pretty, skinny and a staple in my community, someone to be emulated (as I was told) I was considered spoke person for some, and power driven. Little did anyone know during this time I was in an emotionally draining relationship and because we looked good together n my mother liked him I stayed. After I decided to drop out of college because of the issues that every new course goes through it’s fair to say everything fell after that, my relationship with my mother, my relationship with my partner an even my relationship with myself I felt broken. During this time I took up drinking and partying what else was there to do (that’s just where my mind was) I traveled and made enough to survive for rest of the year and that was life for me, during this time I started seeing my daughters father casually and secretly in the event that I got back with my toxic ex (yep, that’s who I was) in retrospect this is one of the decisions I wish I hadn’t made but ‘life’s like an hour glass glued to the table’ (Breathe 2am- Anna Nalick, you should give it a listen) moving right along; I was not ready to have a child. The day I heard my daughters heartbeat is the day I melted I melted into putty, Just a puddle of feelings and all off a sudden it was all about her and my past was just that the past.
Corrine Bailey Rae is just an absolute precious soul, yes another ‘Brit’ *rolls eye*born in Leeds on the 26th of February in 1979. This three time nominated Grammy and Brit Awards Nominee though she didn’t win until 2008 where she won a Grammy for Album of the year for the work she did as a featured artist in Herbie Hancock’s River “The Joni Letter’s” . The song featured I first heard when the day I posted my first pregnancy pic on social media however I didn’t use it until it was her second birthday and I made that video posted.
When I just heard it and read the reason behind I, sigh, I didn’t feel it was the song for my daughter, reason being this song was written on her self entitled album “Corrine Bailey Rae” released in 2006. Just like a star is the first track and was written for her husband who unfortunately had an untimely death though no death is.
“Just like a star across my sky
Just like an angel off the page
You have appeared to my life”
Corrine when asked about these organizations of notes and chords in an interview is recorded saying
“I was playing my guitar and I was working on these sort of jazzy, blues chords I was just getting into. I just started working at a jazz club and I came from an indie background. I was in an indie rock band so all the chords I knew were like Nirvana chords.
I was just getting into these different shapes and exploring that or putting down two fingers and seeing what happened and stuff and I really liked the idea of your sort of consciousness was a sky, sort of blackness of the sky and someone could stream across it like a shooting star, like the immediacy of that, the transformation, like it would be doubtful and then there would be this incident and it would change everything.”
After I finally gave birth and I saw my angels face I was hit with all these emotions and a love hit me like a lighting bolt out of nowhere and I cried because I was ensued by this deep love my life made no sense me being blessed with this precious gift of human life almost seemed like a, like…I have no words to describe it when I finally came too I conjured up these words “Elizabeth Alayna Wisdom, You’re my gift from the universe, I’m dumbfounded as to just why I was granted with something so precious and unique as you but I believe that for all the things I’ve done that’s considered wrong there must have been one thing just one small thing right for you to chose me to be your mother and for that I will do all in my power to prove that that wasn’t a mistake or a fluke of luck but that its been ordained” Whenever I get in this mood just like a star puts words to the feeling of love and contentment I get about my princess, my Lizzielion the rarest breed there is so rare that I got the only one known to man lol, I know I’m still a little cocky but for good reason and always gracious about my blessing for gratitude takes you to higher altitudes.
Please stay tuned for what’s to come as I try to put reason to the chaos life throws my way as music expresses that which cannot be put in words and that which cannot remain silent.- Victor Hugo
