White Flag

I’ve heard repeatedly as a child growing up that a cluttered space is a cluttered mind with all that’s going on in my life that’s exactly how I feel like maybe with some clarity I can finally start making some progress, nothing is going to plan nothing is going anywhere near to plan, my life is in such chaos or seems to be in such chaos because my mind is cluttered my mind is in chaos, battled with the thoughts ranging from….how can I survive, how can I accomplish my dreams, how can I overcome these obstacle, when will I be able to just breathe….just to name a few, I’m constantly battled by my dreams of success and my dream of being the mother, some how I feel as though both cannot be attained one has to be sacrificed, then I’m hit with the thought that maybe I need to go fro my dreams as my daughter needs some what of a blueprint so she can reach her full potential….I consciously made the decision to reproduce so how do I choose my success over being there for my responsibility…..with every adversity I face on the track to accomplishing my goals even on the ‘good days’ this is the thought that keeps me up at night, and yes my goals will make an easier route to her success but still I’m pretty sure she would have been happy if not happier with me there on the first day of school, to kiss her good night each night, to be there when she lost her first tooth….as a result my mind is in constant dismay….There’s this deep sensation within me that even when I want to quit and just return on the next flight back home that says just a little longer….make it worth something…just dig a little deeper, the success I seek isn’t just for me but for Elizabeth and those to come for I’m a firm believer in the fact that wealth wasn’t created in my family prior to me so I must create it for her, I’ve been battling with these thoughts more so than ever in recent days that forced me to take stock of my present situation.

31….

Mother of a vivacious love driven toddler

Single attracting and attracted to men that clearly aren’t ready for anything serious

Constantly needing to be told words of affirmation

Money issues one after the other

Over weight

Lonely

Hurt

Exhausted

Misunderstood

Betrayed

In constant turmoil as to why I need to be understood, to be heard, why I need to have the ears of others more than to listen to my own voice, why can’t I be contented with the fact that I understand what I mean, I understand what I feel, I understand what I need, why is the outside voice more heard than that within???????????? While I go through what I consider to be a metamorphic phase this song really gives me faith and so thats the chords that are being struck today White flag by none other that Bishop Briggs herself.

Born Sarah Grace McLaughlin on July 18 1992 in London to Scottish parents, this precious soul moved to Tokyo at the age of 4 and her first public performance was at a karaoke bar, it was this spontaneous performance that inspired her to become a performer.

After moving to Los Angeles, she wrote and played all over the city in any venue she could, eventually recording her first single “Wild Horses” in July 2015.This song didnt really blow until it was sampled in the Acura commercial then many listeners found Briggs via Shazam as the commercial featured the song. In late 2015, “Wild Horses” began climbing the charts again, entering the top 30 on the Billboard Alternative Songs chart and top 13 on the Billboard Twitter Emerging Artist charts.

In January 2016, Briggs released the single “River”. The song was a commercial success. The song reached number 1 on Hype Machine’s Popular charts and on Spotify’s US Viral 50 and №2 on the Global Viral 50 among other reputable charts including but not limited to Billboard. It also received an Honorable Mention on predicted Songs of the Summer 2016. “River” climbed into the top 3 on the ‘BillboardAlternative Songs chart and top 10 on the Billboard Hot Rock, Rock Airplay and Twitter Emerging Artist charts.

In May 2016, she released her third single, “The Way I Do”. She was the opening act for Coldplay in the fall of 2016 on nine of their tour dates, and also opened for Kaleo throughout their fall tour of the same year. On the 1st of August 2016, performing “River” she made her TV debut on The Tonight Show with Jimmy Fallon. She released her fourth single, “Pray (Empty Gun)” and her success doesn’t stop there.

The first time I heard this song it was from the soundtrack of what has become one of my most favorable movies “6 Underground” and it just instantly clicked, I was aware of Bishop Briggs from her song “River” something about her voice had struck a chord within my soul her strong sense of who she was and what she stood for is clear in all her songs. When I heard White flag I instantly reflected on all the shit I had endured during the past 2 years and I am humbled yet reminded that the fight I fight isn’t a selfish one but one of purpose.

While writing this I was flooded by the memories of where I was last year around this time; getting a restraining order against the person I honestly thought I was going to spend the rest of my life with, little did I know my “friend” would become my idk enemy is too strong of a word because there’s a level of love that must exist for hate to be considered and if I’m to be entirely honest their existence is beyond me outside of my reflection of lessons learned. So when Briggs said

Take a hit, shoot me down, shoot me down
I will never hit the ground, hit the ground
Playing dead, I’ll never do

It summed up all the raw emotions within me and pushed me to think beyond the reasons for the emotions to the “how can I make the emotions work for me instead of against me” and she gave me the answer and so all the hurt, anger, disappointment, embarrassment, loneliness, confusion; all I had to do was use it as fuel because the reason for all this while it brings clarity the mere fact that I never give up never stop pushing, that’s just what I needed to hear.

Smoke, fire, it’s all going up
Don’t you know I ain’t afraid to shed a little blood
Smoke, fire, flares are going up, flares are going up

See I’m learning there’s something about being broken, when a baby is born with bow legs to the point where it is impeding the natural way that child will walk they will break the babies legs so they can be straightened of course there’s no anesthesia for life so when we are ‘broken’ by those we open up to it hurts and while there’s no cast for a broken heart there are lessons. I’m learning that you never really lose anything, but life prunes us to make space for better opportunities so during the pruning learn all you can heal while you can because there’s nothing like being unprepared when oppotunity presence itself.

Please stay tuned for what’s to come as I try to put reason to the chaos life throws my way as music expresses that which cannot be put in words and that which cannot remain silent- Victor Hugo